he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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