rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
