Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
