Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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