Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
