You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
