So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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