I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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