the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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