He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't deserve a penis
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
