oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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