I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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