The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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