If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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