also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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