and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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