It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
