A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
