How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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