so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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