You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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