I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
