we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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