NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
