Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
