I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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