You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
