i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
