piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
