Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
