I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
