I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
