I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I look better un-naked...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
