I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
