I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
