Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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