i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
