worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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