You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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