just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
