FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
