Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
