so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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