3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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