More tranny stories later!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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