I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
