I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
