I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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