so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
