meet me or not, i'm out of control
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
