I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
